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| I hate boys! I thought I could trust Jeph, but he's just like all the rest of them! The best way I can describe the situation would be that I am a chocolate wrapped in bright shinny foil. Now I'm the kind of candy that goods great and one that one would really want to open and see what's inside, but I have been able to protect myself by using the shinny foil to intimidate anyone who tries to come too close. So finally one day I meet a boy (JEPH) who I really start to like and I let him get closer and closer and I slowly start to open myself up to him! But then what happens? He starts to back off and say he's not ready too be this commited, but he still wants to hang out with me, cuz I'm one of his "favorite people." SO I'm fine with that! I love having close guy friends. But just as soon as I adjust to the status of friendship we are at, he turns around and starts cuddling with me, and the next thing I know, we're making out in my house basement alone and he is grinding against me like we're in a porno! So then right after he has devoured all my sweet chocolatey insides, which I should have been saving for my future hubby, he casts me off like a piece of trash! Now I feel like an empty candy wrapper, no longer filled with sweet goodness. I'm just a piece of trash that no one else will want. Jeph told me the other day he doesn't feel like we're ready to have a serious relationship. Why the heck would he hold me and cuddle me and kiss me the whole weekennd and then suddenly change his mind? The worst part of the whole thing for me was when he told me he's been in a situation like this before... BEFORE! I feel so crappy! I told him I was really hurt, cuz I had never gone that far with a boy before, but there's nothing that can be done to heal that part of me now. What's really hard is that he still wants to be friends, so he still comes up and sits and chats with me like everything's fine. How can I get over him if I have to be near him and friendly all the time? I really believed that he liked me. This sucks! | | |
| I feel very lonely right now. I haven't gotten a chance to hang out with my friends in a long time, cuz of work. Now I have the night off, and I don't know what to do! I don't know who to call. I guess part of me doesn't really trust them. I feel like they're starting to judge me. I feel like I don't really fit in, or that I'm inturding on their group.
I just hate that my stupid job is always taking up my nights that I could be hanging out with them. It's incredibly frusterating!
I don't know what to do! I miss my friendships that I had with my dorm at Trinity. I miss that closeness. | | |
| SO I had a pretty awesome time hanging out with my buddy Jessica! We ate lots of chocolate and drank energy drinks then went to see Over the Hedge. It was a pretty cute money.
She confessed to me that she still had feelings for Chris and he had admited to her that he felt the same. She doesn't know what's going to happen between them, but she doesn't think it'll come to anything. I disagree! There was no closure in that relationship, therefore anything could happen!
This is all cool with me thou! I'm glad a have a good reason to not like Chris anymore!
SO I have a new plan with my parents! They really wanted me to go back to school even thou I didn't get good marks at Trinity. The plan is that I'm going to CBC, but I have to pay for the first semester, and if I get good marks, then my parents will re-imberse me for the money! It sound reason able to me, but the crappy part is that I will have to live at home... | | |
| Not to be racist.... but I'm not really liking all these east indians in Abbotsford! They never smile, they're too demanding and I can't fricking understand them half the time!!! Other then that... my new job seems to be going all right, except I hate the paper work!
I fear I am in trouble... I may be starting to like a boy. One who has a lot of emotional baggage attached to him, which I don't know if he's really aware of. His name is Chris Diamond. He's funny and goofy and reminds me of so many people like my little brother or my friend Matt from Vermilion. He's got a great smile and he's just so cool, cuz he would never intentionally ditch his friends. He even went out of his way to make me feel comfortable when I came to this new church. DANG IT! I promised myself I wouldn't like him like that!!!
You see, Chris dated a girl named Jessica, who I am now really good friends with. In fact I feel the closest with her out of all the girls in that group. She was the one who informed me of the dramatic history within this new group of friends of mine. Apparently it involves plots such as love, lust and backstabbing by another one of the girls within my new group of friends, who is in love with Chris.
So I know that if I start persuing Chris, which would be the stupidest thing I could do at this point considering I don't really want a boyfriend, it would only stir up all the drama that may have just finally settled. Plus Jessica and this other girl would probably hate me! Oh goodness, I can already see my summer ruined.
So then I guess what I really want is for God to just show me what to do! He saved me from fall too hard for Andrew and gave me instead a wonderful friendship with a really awesome, Godly guy. So if He doesn't want me to date Chris, I know He will help me through this summer and give me the strength to resist the temptation to jump the boy! | | |
| So these past couple of days have been sad, interesting, funny and a little confusing! I packed up my room on Saturday and brought it all home that night, but I promised my girls I'd be back soon to say goodbye, also I had to clean my room still!
On Sunday, I went to Heritage Alliance church with my family and met a whole bunch of cool people my age, which was very exciting for me, because I really don't know anyone in this town, so I was really hoping to make some friends that I can hang out with this summer, otherwise I would go crazy being stuck at home with my parents. Anyways, those guys invited me to a worship service that was that night for all the young people in the church from age 13 to 20. I only knew one guy from before, because he is the cousin of a really good friend of mine. But I decided I had to go, cuz God was presenting me an opportunity and I had to be the one to make the big step out of my comfort zone.
My little brother and his friend went back to Saskatchewan that day too. That was sad! I'm not going to see him till July, I think.
So I went to the Worship night and it was really good! It reminded me of my old church in Alberta, which I really miss and I'm really sad that I'm not going to get to see a lot of my friends from there this summer. The people there made me feel so welcomed! It was awesome! And we went out for Tim Horton's after and I got to get to know a few people better. Then they asked if I wanted to come to a volleyball game they were having for the College and Career kids Monday night.
The next morning I woke up with a migraine! It was awful! But drugs are good. I went to Trinity with my dad and cleaned my room, sold textbooks, and hung out with my girls for one last day. It was really sad to leave them! I miss then terribly already! But we'll be keeping in touch for sure!
So last night, I went to this volleyball thing, which was lots of fun! I'm not very good at volleyball, but I don't think that anyone else cared. It was so crazy, cuz I met a guy that I acutally went to elementary school with! He definitely didn't remember me, but whatever. It was cool.
Afterwards, they invited me to watch a movie at a friend's house! But... I got lost! I was following a guy and another guy was suppose to stay behind me in case the other guy lost me. But the second guy had to stop by the church quickly to grab his sunglasses, but we didn't know that, so the guy I suppose to follow quickly lost me at the first turn off, and I ended up on the highway for some reason! So I thought I should go back to the church to see if anyone was there, but they were all gone. So I went home a little upset. But a little bit after I got home, I got a phone call from the guy that was suppose to be behind me and he apologized profusely and asked if I still wanted to come to watch the movie with them. Of coures I still did, so I got some confusing directions and ended up getting convinced by my dad to have him drive me there and get one of my new friends to drive me back. And when we were about to leave, I got a call from a girl from the same group asking if I had gotten lost and if I needed directions. I thought it was so cool how they all really did care if I was there or not. I was a little embarassed from the whole situation, especially when my dad got all frusterated over the crazy directions. But I think this was just the beginning of an interesting summer for me! | | |
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